Is It Really This Simple

Finally Admitting I Might Be the Problem

A thought came to me this morning, how many of my reasons are really just excuses in disguise?

Every time I say things like “you’re doing the best you can,” or “you deserve a treat,” or “it’s okay, no one’s perfect,” I’m giving myself a soft cushion to land on. A cushion that keeps me from asking the harder question underneath.

Because when I strip away the comforting language and the justifications, I’m left with something plain and uncomfortable:

I keep choosing this.

That’s it.

I am alone and lonely because I keep choosing the things that maintain that loneliness.

I smoke because I choose to smoke.

I overeat because I choose to overeat.

I care too much about the wounded; people, animals, even my own mind because I choose to care that way.

And the list keeps going.

I gossip. I judge. I bitch. I circle around the same thoughts until they get dizzy. I’m attentive, curious, and impossibly hard on myself. I hold grudges longer than necessary. I’m early to everything, broke most days with no savings to look at, lazy on rainy days, and yes; I love validation like my life depends on it.

or years, I’ve wrapped all of this in explanations.

“I’m not perfect.”

“I’m doing my best.”

“I’m wired this way.”

“I just need to heal more.”

All of those lines sound comforting, but if I’m honest, most of them have been ways to avoid telling the truth:

These habits may have come from pain, but they’re maintained by choice.

That doesn’t erase the old stories; childhood wounds, trauma, survival mechanisms, personality patterns, all the things I’ve studied to death.

Those shaped me, taught me how to cope, and gave me reasons for why I became the person I did.

But today’s version of my habits?

The ones I repeat over and over?

Those are mine.

Not inherited. Not inflicted. Not happening to me.

They’re the choices I keep making.

And strangely, that realization isn’t crushing.

It’s clarifying.

Because if I am part of what keeps me stuck, then I can also be part of what eventually frees me by telling the truth about what I choose.

I don’t have to wait for complete healing to stop overeating, overthinking, or overreacting.

I don’t need a breakthrough moment to shift something.

I don’t have to solve my entire past to take one small step differently.

I just have to stop pretending that I’m not involved in the patterns that drain me.

So… is it really that simple?

Maybe.

Or maybe it’s one of those truths that feels simple until you try to live it.

Either way, I want to see what happens when I stop explaining myself and start owning my choices even the messy ones.

Come back and check on me if you want to see whether I’ve stopped overthinking.

(Spoiler: probably not. But at least now I know it’s me doing it.)

Today is the first day I choose to stop lying to myself about why I do what I do.

That’s my three cents; take what fits, leave what doesn’t.